where to go from here
by inktopus
Summary: Because neither of them really knows. Jade-centic possible multi-chap, not sure if it will be Bade or no. Just my heartbroken ramblings, really.
1. Chapter 1

**Sigh. I used to really like this show.**

She collected her things from the RV while he was still playing cards at Tori's. Or at least, she meant to. But when she got there, all she could see were the empty spaces they used to fill and the home she'd come to have and how she didn't even know they shared so much stuff.

Like, who got to keep the goldfish he'd won her at the fair? Was there some rule for broken-up couples, some plan for who got the fish or that flannel shirt that they'd both worn so many times, they didn't even know whose it originally was?

But oh god, she said it. Broken up. That was what they were now, one whole broken into two sharp pieces that didn't know how to fit anywhere else. At least, she felt sharp. She didn't think anyone else could ever learn to love sharpness the way he had.

She'd been given one chance, and she'd taken it and now it was mangled beyond repair. She knew other people got tens upon hundreds of chances, but really, how could a girl like her expect more than one? Especially when that one chance had been so beautifully perfect?

She was too this and too that and now he didn't want her anymore. He used to call her _rare_, like she was something precious. Now she was as ugly and commonplace as the rocks that made up his bumpy gravel driveway, one she'd tromped up so many times in her combat boots that little pieces were stuck in the rubber soles.

As she slowly pulled her clothes off of the hangers in his tiny closet, she found herself drowning in things they'd done when she wore them. That was the shirt she'd worn when he got them the necklaces. There were the jeans she'd had when he'd whispered, just for her, "Who said I stopped?"

And there was the skirt she'd worn when he'd said, "Where do you want to get married?" Like there was no question, like it would always be them and them alone.

The only question now was how she'd spend her days. She wouldn't hang around with the little group anymore, her only connection to them had been through him. That connection, along with so many others, had splintered when she'd said _ten._

So she'd… what? Find a new boyfriend? As if anyone would ever want her again.

Make new friends? But she didn't want friends, she wanted to be alone. Leave her alone.

She wasn't even that talented, really. She sang, but she had none of Cat's power, Tori's range. She could act, but he took every acting class on the planet and she wasn't about to risk his partnership in one of Sikowitz's frequent scene projects.

She could write, but everything she wrote came out sloppy and was only meant to frighten and provoke, not to inspire and put her name in lights.

She could leave Hollywood Arts, go to normal school. She'd never have to see him again, never have to worry about their pity.

She had to. How could she stand to return to those halls, where so often they'd leaned against the lockers to kiss? How could she watch him in class, watch flocks of girls throw themselves at his feet?  
>How could she stand it when he finally picked one?<br>It was settled, then. Normal school. Normal people.

Sick, twisted new life.

**Not sure if I plan to continue this or not. Expect sporadic updates, maybe.**


	2. Chapter 2

**For the record, not all the chapters will be this short.**

**Chapter Two**

Jade didn't waste any time when she got home. Once she had dragged her bag of stuff up to her room, she strode down the stairs and into the West kitchen, where her stepmother pranced about, trying some ridiculously complicated new recipe. Contempt twisted Jade's mouth into a sour grimace, but before she could creep backwards out of the room, Anne turned and saw her.

"Jade, dear! Come try!" she gestured to a gloppy gray pile of mush seasoned with something green, sitting on a plate on the table.

_I never try her food. _

It wasn't as though she was the kind of person who ever humored anyone, yet still this insufferable woman continued to try her patience on a daily basis with the most inane drivel she had ever encountered in all her seventeen years.

Anne's shoulders drooped slightly, but she kept her bright smile as she pulled a chair out for her visibly fuming stepdaughter to sit in. Tucking a lock of reddish hair behind her ear, the older woman leaned towards the younger with a look of concern in her Irish-green eyes.

"Jade, is everything okay?"

Jade bristled at the question, feeling her own blue-gray eyes widen at this woman's complete respect of privacy, but just as she was about to fire off a cold retort—something that would definitely include the vile substance now slowly smoking on the table—a noise below her caught her attention. It was Miffy, Anne's remarkably needy West Highland Terrier. The scruffy little dog had her front paws up on Jade's chair and was eyeing Anne's creation with a look of unselective interest.

Feeling rather as though she had an audience, Jade roughly shoved her chair back and stormed out of the kitchen, hatred for her family and her life and that _stupid dog_ filling her until there was no room for misery.

Locking herself in her room with it's blue-gray walls, Jade tossed the old brass key on her dresser and began furiously tearing off her clothes in preparation for bed.

But something stopped her.

It was the necklace. The simply black cord with the gold circle on it, the forever circle. The present he'd given her on the first birthday she had with them as a couple.

To her own surprise, Jade felt no sorrow at seeing the symbol of her ended relationship, no teen-drama-movie anguish. Rather, a peculiar curiosity filled her. Where was his necklace? Did he still have it, or was it long lost? Maybe he'd simply thrown it away, maybe it was sitting at the bottom of Tori's kitchen trash can.

Thinking of Tori brought her none of the usual fury. Even the idea of Tori and Beck together gave her only a small sense of annoyance, rather than the ordinary burn-down-the-house, smash-all-the-windows rage.

Maybe she was becoming emotionally distant.

The idea was somewhat appealing. Never having to feel that horrible hatred again, or that heartbreaking sadness? No more crying herself to sleep after a fight, no more smashing mirrors or vandalizing property?  
>Definitely something to consider.<p>

Crossing on her hands and knees over to her desk, Jade picked up a piece of paper and started one of her random lists.

_To Do:_

_-Switch to ordinary school_

_-Become emotionally distant_

Not bad, Jade mused. Definitely doable.

But she had to go in order.

Jade snatched her laptop off the desk and flung it semi-violently onto the bed, then sat behind it and powered it on. Typing in her zip code, she then typed one word into the search engine.

_Schools._

**Hollywood High School - homepage**

**John Pierce High School**

**Lincoln Preparatory School**

**Driscoll Academy**

The list went on and on. Frustration now occupying Jade's one-track mind, she shoved the computer away from her and closed the lid, then flopped back onto her pillow, ready for bed.

But she was still in only her underwear, her clothes from the day strewn everywhere. Pulling her necklace over her head, she carelessly flung it on the dresser, where it caught onto one of the drawer handles. Who needed some silly old necklace? She had plenty of other ones, prettier ones.

This emotionally distant thing wasn't half bad.


End file.
